A Girl Named Sue

My mother, Gwendolyn Sue Heflin Smith, was born November 17, 1939. She was the first child for her parents, Clyde Orell Heflin, Sr, and Mary Aline Holland Heflin. They lived in a small house in the rural area of Minden, Louisiana, but she was born in a hospital in Shreveport. Her mother, "Aline," was a homemaker, and her father, "Orell," drove a gravel truck. Mom was known as "Gwen Sue" to most people, and sometimes "Suzie" as a preteen. She was very close to her father and always tried to accompany him to town or to run errands. Aline was the disciplinarian, and she and Mom had the typical "mother-daughter" conflicts that are so common. Orell, however, was softer and doted on Mom whenever he could. He was smart and actually invented a type of hitch that would allow two 18-wheeler trailers to be attached to each other. Because he invented the hitch while working for the gravel company, he agreed to allow the company to "own" the rights to it as long as his employment was permanently assured. Unfortunately, his life would be cut short only a few years later by a brain tumor when he was only 53 years old - long before the agreement could adequately compensate him for his contribution. 

On December 10, 1951, the Heflins were joined by a son - Clyde Orell Heflin, Jr. Mom was 12 years old when he arrived and saw herself as one of his caretakers. Aline relied on her to help with Clyde's care, and Mom was happy with that arrangement - most of the time, anyway. The Heflins lived close to large extended families on both Aline's and Orell's sides, and Mom and Clyde spent their childhoods playing with cousins and visiting aunts and uncles. They were brought up in the Baptist church, and Mom's relationship with God remained important to her throughout her life. (You can see a bulletin from her childhood church as well as other religious readings on the Documents page). 

As Mom entered the teenage years, she really began to blossom. She was smart, funny, and beautiful - a  combination that brought her attention wherever she went. She became interested in music - not surprising considering the number of relatives she had who sang and/or played musical instruments, like the Heflin brothers who formed the Louisiana Swing Boy band. (You can see photos of the band on the Gallery page).  She also began writing poetry. She was encouraged by many of her aunts and uncles who were poets in their own rights like her Uncle Jim and her Aunt Myrt. (You can see examples of her poems on the Poetry page and examples of poems by Uncle Jim and Aunt Myrt in letters on the Documents/Correspondence page). During summers and other school breaks, Mom would often visit surrounding areas and stay with out of town family members. It was on one of those trips in 1955 when she met the love of her life 100 miles away in Wilton, Arkansas - Donald Gene Smith (my dad). Mom went to Wilton to visit her cousin and his wife - Jimmy and Martha Heflin. They had met Dad because he worked next door to their home, and they introduced Mom to him as soon as she arrived. "Donald Gene," as he was known, was 17 years old and one of seven kids born to Vance and Callie Overstreet Smith of Wilton, Arkansas. Mom was not even 16 years old, but it didn't take her long to realize that Dad was the boy for her. On September 18, 1955, at exactly 10:30pm, they started "going steady." (You can see the actual note that she wrote that night to commemorate the occasion on the Documents page!) Because they lived so far apart, they wrote letters to each other and went to see each other as often as they could, which of course wasn't very often with limited resources back then. Then, after seven months of long-distance dating, Dad asked Mom to marry him on April 7th, 1956. She of course said yes, and they were married as soon as the school year was over on May 19, 1956. 

Dad, like all of his older brothers, decided to join the military. He chose the Air Force and was stationed in San Antonio, Texas, at Lackland Air Force Base for basic training. He was then transferred to Keesler Air Force Base in Biloxi, Mississippi, for a few months of "career training." That's where they were ultimately married - in an Air Force base chapel on May 19, 1956 at 12:00pm. (You can see photos of the day after they were married on the Gallery page - because no one thought to take pictures at the time! You can also see photos of Mom, Dad, and me at the chapel when I was around 6 years old). They lived in Biloxi until September, 1956, when they were transferred to Maxwell AFB in Montgomery, Alabama. During that time, Mom worked in a credit bureau as a secretary - a job she really enjoyed - and decided that she would choose secretarial work as her profession. To ensure that she was the best secretary possible, she even took business classes in a secretarial school. 

By 1957, Mom was pregnant. She and Dad were both excited, and the pregnancy was pretty easy for her. They lived on the base, and she saw the military OB/GYN who reported no problems during the entire nine months. Unfortunately, when she delivered her full-term baby boy at the base hospital, he was stillborn. (You can see condolence cards on the Documents/Correspondence page.) No one could explain to Mom and Dad exactly why the baby had died during delivery, making their grief even harder to bear. Mom felt a profound sense of loss and used poetry and writing to process the experience. (You can see a poem she wrote about the loss on the Poetry page). 

In December, 1960, Mom and Dad moved to Minden, Louisiana for a year. With graduation from secretarial school under her belt, Mom took a job as an executive secretary in Shreveport. From that point on, Mom always held high-paying (for the time) executive secretary positions wherever they moved. They moved around a bit for the next few years while Dad found his own career calling. In 1961, they moved to Wilton, Arkansas, and bought a cafe. After about a year, they decided that the restaurant business wasn't quite all it was cracked up to be so they sold the cafe and moved again. In 1962, Dad found his niche working in finance in Marshall, Texas. Then, early in 1964, Mom received a call from home. Orell had been driving a gravel truck on a delivery in Bossier City when he suddenly felt himself begin to pass out. He was somehow able to throw the large gravel truck into neutral and engage the parking brake before losing consciousness, no doubt saving countless other motorists in the process. He was rushed to a Shreveport hospital and found to have a large, inoperable brain tumor. Only two weeks later on April 7, 1964, Orell died. The entire family was devastated. His death was an especially huge blow to Mom - especially on the heels of losing her baby - and she grieved for quite some time. (You can see poems Mom wrote while working through her grief on the Poetry page). 

Dad's finance job required he and Mom to move around in Texas, and in late 1964 they found themselves in Abilene. Mom again took a position as an executive secretary - this time for the CEO of a furniture manufacturing company. Shortly after accepting the position, she discovered that her job duties included bookkeeping - something that she had never been taught to do. Instead of either admitting that she didn't know how to do accounting or simply winging it, she immediately began studying the company's previous bookkeeping records and consulting other accountants to teach her the needed skills. Within thirty days she was able to perform all of the required accounting as if she had done so a hundred times before, all with her employer non the wiser. 

After living in five different Texas cities, Mom and Dad finally settled in Texarkana, Arkansas, in 1966. In 1968, Dad began work at Texarkana National Bank and Mom went to work at Cooper Tire & Rubber Company as the secretary to the plant manager. It was at that time that they were able to purchase their first home - the home I would live in until I was 16 years old. By 1970, Dad had gone to work for Mil-Way Credit Union as the President, and Mom continued to love her job at Cooper Tire. Mom had attempted to become pregnant several times since the birth of their first baby without success. While she desperately wanted a child, she feared that it wouldn't happen. When she finally resigned herself to life without a biological child, it happened - she became pregnant. On November 16, 1970 - one day before her 31st birthday - I was born. Mom and Dad named me Lesa Donise Smith, creating the name Donise as an homage to Dad's name. (While Donise has never been my favorite, Mom told me that she almost named me Mitsy Yvette, so it could have been worse.) She loved everything about being a mother and kept a diary of all our firsts, noting everything from first teeth to first snowfalls. (You can see her 1971 diary on the Documents/Calendar page). Mom was a modern working woman who felt like she had the best of both worlds -  success at the office and a family at home. 

Over the next few years, she was given promotions and extra projects repeatedly. She became Office Services Supervisor and then the editor of the company-wide newsletter - the Tire Tracks. (You can see examples of the Tire Tracks on the Documents page). She took classes in writing and journalism at Texarkana College to hone her skills and continued to write poetry, articles for the Tire Tracks and articles for the Texarkana College newspaper. (You can see examples of her articles in the Texarkana College newspaper on the Documents page.) She became an expert in the written word, proof-reading school assignments, letters and resumes for everyone (including me) up until her death. Never one to sit idle for one moment, Mom also became interested in drawing and painting and took classes to learn everything she could about her new hobby. She began painting with oils but ultimately preferred watercolors as her medium of choice. Painting became a lifelong hobby resulting in dozens of completed works. (You can see examples of her paintings on the Paintings page). 

Even while continuously striving to improve herself, Mom was always a caretaker. She was the one who made sure that things were just right with everyone at work and at home. She always had a smile on her face, was full of energy, and willing to do anything for anyone without ever being asked. Around 1982, we purchased land and spent months clearing it and making improvements, ultimately purchasing cattle and horses that we kept there. Mom was a hard worker at the office and at home and never backed away from a project. If something needed to be done, she would never dream of standing idly by while someone else did the work. On the ranch, she cleared brush, built fence, and drove tractors. She became an accomplished horsewoman, riding her own horse both on pleasure rides and to work cattle. Mom was always popular and well respected at the office as well as with her friends and family, with many Cooper employees claiming that more of them knew who she was than knew the plant manager. She and I were always close - even when we were at odds. We experienced the typical mother-daughter dynamic, but I told her everything and always looked to her for answers. Even when I wasn't the easiest person to get along with, she was always there with love and wisdom and support. 

In 1987, Mom and Dad decided to sell the home they'd lived in since 1968 and purchase a home with acreage on the outskirts of Texarkana, Arkansas, to have the horses and cattle on site. I graduated high school in 1988, and then Baylor University in 1992. I returned to Texarkana to live and work, and married my husband, Todd Warren, in 1994. Mom loved Todd like a son and often joked that if we ever divorced, she would get to keep him. On April 18, 1995, our first child and Mom's first grandchild was born - Trevor Ashton Warren. Mom and Dad instantly became the perfect doting grandparents, and Trevor spent countless hours and days in their care. In 1997, they sold the house and prepared for retired life. In 1998, after 30 years of employment, Mom retired from Cooper Tire. She and Dad purchased a motor coach - a REALLY nice motor coach - and began taking trips around the country. On August 27, 1998, our daughter was born - Sydney Holland Warren. We used Aline's maiden name as Sydney's middle name. Once Mom and Dad's second grandchild arrived, they lost their wanderlust relatively quickly. Trevor and Sydney enjoyed weekly, and sometimes daily, visits with their Nana and Pawpaw and became very close to them. The only activities that could compete with the kids for Mom's attention were going to garage sales and going to the casinos in Shreveport. 

Aline had lived in Texarkana, Arkansas, since around 1980 and also enjoyed seeing her children, grandchildren, and even great grandchildren on a frequent basis. During that time, she lived with us and then with Clyde. Mom, Clyde, and Clyde's wife, Bonnie, provided for Aline and cared for her selflessly as she aged. She and Mom enjoyed a close and caring relationship until she died on September 2, 2007. Family had become Mom's sole priority. 

By 2009, Mom and Dad had settled into a house in Texarkana, Texas. It's the house Dad still lives in today. In 2011, Todd and I moved to Mobile, Alabama, and later to New Orleans with our kids so that Todd could take police chief jobs there. It was difficult for Mom to see us go, and it was difficult for us as well - especially the kids. As Mom and Dad aged, Mom began to experience multiple health problems which began to limit her mobility. The same severe osteoporosis which had resulted in multiple spinal fractures for Aline began to ravage Mom's body. After multiple spinal fractures and subsequent surgeries, Mom found herself permanently bent over at an almost 90 degree angle and in constant pain. It was only then that she stopped cleaning house and cooking meals for herself and Dad. It was at that time that  Mom and Dad received one of the biggest blessings of their lives - the arrival of a wonderful woman named Ada who began to cook, clean, and care for them. While Mom's body was failing her, her spirit and relationship with God never did. On March 20, 2019, Mom left me a voicemail saying that she was waiting on the ambulance to come pick her up to take her to the emergency room, but that she was "fine" and certainly "not dying or anything." She said that she was weak and having difficulty swallowing and anticipated needing antibiotics for a couple days before she would return home. I talked to Dad that night and learned that the hospital had admitted her for possible pneumonia. I called her hospital room and talked to her for only 3 or 4 minutes before she ran out of breath. She said that she was tired and needed to go to sleep. I told her that I loved her and that I would talk to her the next morning. Unbeknownst to me, it was to be the last time that I would ever hear her voice. The next day when I called her room, she was gone for testing. Early that afternoon I found out that during a test to evaluate her swallowing problem she had aspirated the barium contrast material used for the x-rays. Shortly afterwards she had gone into respiratory arrest and had to be intubated. She was moved to the ICU, and was in serious condition with aspiration pneumonia. The following day Todd, the kids and I drove to Texarkana. Her condition continued to worsen. Not one to let a simple thing like being on a ventilator stop her, she used gestures and mouthed words to tell each and every person who came to see her how much she loved them. Dad and Ada rarely left her side. When we finally learned that recovery wasn't possible, we made the decision to transfer her to Texarkana's inpatient hospice - only five blocks from their home. Then, at 2:00pm on March 27, 2019, Mom died peacefully and without pain . Todd preached her funeral at East Texas Funeral Home of Texarkana, just as she had asked him to do. She was buried in Lane Cemetery in Sibley, Louisiana, laid to rest next to Orell, Aline, and Mom's stillborn son. The hole that her death has left in our lives is huge. She was my confidante...my biggest supporter...my safe place. She taught me everything -  from how to speak and write and express myself to how to love and care for another human being. She was driven and caring, loyal and strong. No one has ever had a better mother, grandmother, or wife than she was,  and the world is a better place for her having been in it.